God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
