You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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