I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
