Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
