I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
