I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
