sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize