It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
