i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My penis needs a shock collar
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
