where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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