I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
