Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
