put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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