i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize