I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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