best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
