She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
