Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
