I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
