Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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