the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize