Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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