eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
