happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
