I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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