Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
