Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
