sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
