i came on her dog
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
