Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
