I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
