no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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