wanna go halves on a baby?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
