my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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