put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
