Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
