THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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