I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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