the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize