i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I enjoy the company of your penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize