My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
