Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
