the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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