I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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