The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
