Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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