I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
