What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
