Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize