ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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