Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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