TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize