I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
