I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
