She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
third nipple confirmed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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