All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
