It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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