When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
