I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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