I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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