make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
