You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize