im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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