I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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