I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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