I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
