Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
