So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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