Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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