i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
