I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
