Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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