He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
