You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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