Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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