Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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