booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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