I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
