oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
