Can i not drive my cunt home
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
