Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
