I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
