Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize