The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
