??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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